The hand curled around the soda feels numb. The wind bites into exposed skin and I throw my head back just for effect. For today I feel faint. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? I have. I'm feeling that right now. I wonder if one of its symptoms are masochism.
My head throbs like fingers are probing around in there, damaging tissue and countless shot neurons. I take a sip of the soda and it tastes like artificial garbage.
Toes poke out from damp sand and wriggle in a dull slow-motion-like pattern. God. It's one of those days. I see waves roll in and roll out. In and out. In. Out. In, out, in, out. My vision blurs and I swear I see a man transpire out of them. He smiles and beckons me near.
Annabel.
He calls me and I find strength to get up. One step follows the other and my subconscious fights reason. It's the drugs. The paracetamol. The xanax. The vicodin. The ultram. And I stop. Attempting to widen my eyes, I try to make out details about the man. Nothing but a blur. There's something alluring about his voice, though. Something so persuasive.
Annabel.
Coming. I hobble over to the water's edge and feel laps of glacial cold embrace my already dead feet. Who are you? I whisper.
I'm your one-way ticket to freedom.
I giggle. No really, who are you?
I'm Abandon.
I frown and seem to look a little too alert as he covers my mouth. Shhh. His obscure eyes betray his excitement. His soul lays in them, mysterious, yet methodical.
You have no conception of how long I've been anticipating your visit.
The throbbing in my head multiplies in intensity and it feels like someone's hammering it into place. Or trying to hack it out. I can't decide. All I know is that I can't move my arms as they try to cradle my skull by instinct. Abandon has got me in an embrace and I can't feel reality anymore than I can feel his cold dementia.
Annabel, close your eyes.
I shake my head but lose my resolve quickly. It's like he's chained me to his desires. I close my eyes. He turns me about in his arms and they feel strong but consciously gentle about my waist.
Take a deep breath, love.
He brings his arms around tighter, in a kind of lock. His cracked lips move against my ear and he kisses my temple as pain envelops my entire being. He chuckles and brings me down with him as we fall into our own endless oblivion. And I choke.
I feel a hand at my wrist and I'm pulled out of the water.
“What in the world, Annabel? Have you lost your mind completely?”
I hear the voice but can't relate it to a face.
“No,” I cough out. “No, no. It... it was Abandon.”
My throat feels like it's swallowing sandpaper at every gulp. I shiver and look around for any proof of his existence but all I am met with are waves. Infinite and all-consuming.
“Abandon? Vertigo, more like...” The voice adds in a hushed tone I'm sure I'm not meant to hear. “There was no one here, Annabel. Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?”
The voice redeems itself, oozing in concern, but it hardly registers.
The waves roll in.
Roll out.
In and out.
In.
Out.
In, out, in, out.
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